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I went on a casual date last night. The guy messaged me afterward, and this morning I sent the “hey-I’m-not-really-into-dating-right-now-but-thanks-for-meeting-me” reply. Which shouldn’t sound like a big deal, but these kinds of things (possibly hurting someone’s feelings and/or making them upset) drive my anxiety THROUGH THE ROOF! Why am I so bad at handling these things? Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who just… didn’t give a damn about what other people think.

…Sorry for the rant. I’m stressed and I don’t feel like I should be stressed and somehow that’s making it worse. Mmmm guilt complex.

So I’m drinking my comfort tea. I used 3 pearls per cup, which I’ve found is my happy place. I keep trying to find other chocolatey/malty teas, and there are some reeeeeeally really good ones out there, but somehow, it all comes back to this. I wonder if that’s because this is the first tea of its kind that I tried? It’s just so… perfect. Until I drank it, I doubted it was even possible to have a tea that smelled so much like real cocoa. (Cacao?)

Also, I would like to point out that I got mad that Steepster ate my note – and then I opened my other window and realized I hadn’t published it yet. I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!

Fuzzy_Peachkin

I haven’t dated since I broke up with my ex-fiance 3 years ago.I’m ready to date but fr the exact same reasons you described above, I kind of have avoided it. You’re braver than me just for getting out there on a date!

Terri HarpLady

I’m SO grateful to be out of the dating pool! After my divorce I spent 4 years only dating myself, LOL. It was good for me to sort of fall in love with myself, figure out what I really wanted & liked, & when I started dating men again I made a promise to me that I would not become a reflection of whoever I was with, & that I would stay true to me. It’s better to be alone & happy, than to cave in. People tend to go into an avoidance pattern because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but Being straightforward & honest is the best thing you can do. Coming right out & saying thanks, but no thanks, frees the other person from wondering & frees you from anxiety.

keychange

I get this. Balancing appropriate levels of compromise with a steadfast commitment to “being true to yourself” is so difficult at the best of times.

Fjellrev

I get like that in general because I care too much about what other people think, but I think you just need to put yourself first.

TeaKlutz

I really appreciate your guys’ comments; I feel much more encouraged and it’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

@Terri HarpLady – That’s exactly why I’m calling it off now rather than farther down the line! I tend to get incredibly stressed out whenever I start trying to date, and I’ve decided that until I find someone I really want to be with, I’d rather be single. I get angsty about not having that fairytale romance you hear about all the time, but at the end of the day, I prefer having me to myself. : )

Terri HarpLady

Yup! When me, myself, & I were dating we did whatever ‘we’ wanted to do. Before that, I always gave myself away in relationships. Somewhere I read the saying,“I’m not looking for the right person, I’m becoming the right person.” I made a list of all the qualities I wanted in a partner, then I worked on embodying all those qualities myself, being that person for myself. Once I started dating again, if it didn’t work out for me, I asked myself why, which helped redefine the ‘list’. I pretty much concluded that I’d rather be alone. Then I met Tony. We’ve been together 13+ years. We still each live in our own houses, LOL, he pretty much did the same thing I did, so we each like spending lots of time alone, but luckily we also like spending time together! :)

Tea Sipper

You found Earl Grey Creams and Dragon Pearls around the same time? Nice! Those are my two favorites!

TeaKlutz

Terri, I’ve never met you in person, but just from reading your writings on Steepster I have to admit I find myself kind of looking up to you. You seem like an awesome person and I just really like your way of viewing the world.

@Tea Sipper – actually, I’ve been a fan of the Dragon Pearls for a few months now, but those are my two favorites as well! They’re the two teas that I started craving after finishing one cup. :D

Terri HarpLady

Wow, thanks! :)
I just like to enjoy the bliss of the moment, if you know what I mean, & I do my best to avoid misery, LOL.

MzPriss

So even though this post was 6 months ago – I needed to comment on a couple of things: 1. I think I probably NEED this tea and 2. LADIES – this discussion is so resonant. Terri, I admire anyone who is at home in theirself as you seem to be (awe inspiring grammar what?) and TeaKlutz, I like the way you write. Being your authentic self is hard sometimes but the rewards are worth it. I liked reading this post and the comments. Thanks.

TeaKlutz

MzPriss – 1) You do NEED this tea. It is killer diller. 2) I’m flattered, and I’m glad you found truth and resonance in this discussion. The comments on this post helped me a LOT. :D

MzPriss

I just ordered a tin of this.

Terri HarpLady

(just smiling & waving at everybody)
:D

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Comments

Fuzzy_Peachkin

I haven’t dated since I broke up with my ex-fiance 3 years ago.I’m ready to date but fr the exact same reasons you described above, I kind of have avoided it. You’re braver than me just for getting out there on a date!

Terri HarpLady

I’m SO grateful to be out of the dating pool! After my divorce I spent 4 years only dating myself, LOL. It was good for me to sort of fall in love with myself, figure out what I really wanted & liked, & when I started dating men again I made a promise to me that I would not become a reflection of whoever I was with, & that I would stay true to me. It’s better to be alone & happy, than to cave in. People tend to go into an avoidance pattern because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but Being straightforward & honest is the best thing you can do. Coming right out & saying thanks, but no thanks, frees the other person from wondering & frees you from anxiety.

keychange

I get this. Balancing appropriate levels of compromise with a steadfast commitment to “being true to yourself” is so difficult at the best of times.

Fjellrev

I get like that in general because I care too much about what other people think, but I think you just need to put yourself first.

TeaKlutz

I really appreciate your guys’ comments; I feel much more encouraged and it’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

@Terri HarpLady – That’s exactly why I’m calling it off now rather than farther down the line! I tend to get incredibly stressed out whenever I start trying to date, and I’ve decided that until I find someone I really want to be with, I’d rather be single. I get angsty about not having that fairytale romance you hear about all the time, but at the end of the day, I prefer having me to myself. : )

Terri HarpLady

Yup! When me, myself, & I were dating we did whatever ‘we’ wanted to do. Before that, I always gave myself away in relationships. Somewhere I read the saying,“I’m not looking for the right person, I’m becoming the right person.” I made a list of all the qualities I wanted in a partner, then I worked on embodying all those qualities myself, being that person for myself. Once I started dating again, if it didn’t work out for me, I asked myself why, which helped redefine the ‘list’. I pretty much concluded that I’d rather be alone. Then I met Tony. We’ve been together 13+ years. We still each live in our own houses, LOL, he pretty much did the same thing I did, so we each like spending lots of time alone, but luckily we also like spending time together! :)

Tea Sipper

You found Earl Grey Creams and Dragon Pearls around the same time? Nice! Those are my two favorites!

TeaKlutz

Terri, I’ve never met you in person, but just from reading your writings on Steepster I have to admit I find myself kind of looking up to you. You seem like an awesome person and I just really like your way of viewing the world.

@Tea Sipper – actually, I’ve been a fan of the Dragon Pearls for a few months now, but those are my two favorites as well! They’re the two teas that I started craving after finishing one cup. :D

Terri HarpLady

Wow, thanks! :)
I just like to enjoy the bliss of the moment, if you know what I mean, & I do my best to avoid misery, LOL.

MzPriss

So even though this post was 6 months ago – I needed to comment on a couple of things: 1. I think I probably NEED this tea and 2. LADIES – this discussion is so resonant. Terri, I admire anyone who is at home in theirself as you seem to be (awe inspiring grammar what?) and TeaKlutz, I like the way you write. Being your authentic self is hard sometimes but the rewards are worth it. I liked reading this post and the comments. Thanks.

TeaKlutz

MzPriss – 1) You do NEED this tea. It is killer diller. 2) I’m flattered, and I’m glad you found truth and resonance in this discussion. The comments on this post helped me a LOT. :D

MzPriss

I just ordered a tin of this.

Terri HarpLady

(just smiling & waving at everybody)
:D

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Bio

Tea is my happy place. I drink tea when I’m at home, when I’m at work, when I’m waking up in the morning or winding down for the night or when I need a little boost in the afternoon. Tea is my official side hobby, and I couldn’t be happier that I’ve discovered such a vast world of flavors, aromas, varieties, and traditions – encapsulated by a beverage that I used to shrug at.

My taste in tea always seems to be changing!

Black teas are far and away my favorite. Great Chinese black teas are one of my weaknesses. I also like a lot of the Earl Grey relatives and I have an affinity for floral teas, especially rose-flavored ones.

I don’t drink green teas as often, but there are a few I quite enjoy.

Same with white teas.

I have some experience with oolongs, but not much. Most of the ones I’ve had taste the same to me, and I’m not huge on the roasty-green flavor. I kinda like the juicy-green ones, though.

I’m exploring pu erhs. I haven’t had many, but the ones I’ve tried have been really intriguing when done right, and it seems like the pu erh universe is a rich and complex one once you get past “IT TASTES LIKE FISH!”

I like rooibos, but I have to be in the mood for it. And it HAS to be in a sachet or a bag. Loose rooibos is more of a pain than it’s worth.

I go through different phases when I’m trying teas. Sometimes, I really want flavored stuff; sometimes I just want to try pu-erhs; sometimes I’m on a rose tea kick, etc. I enjoy building up my base of tea knowledge and even more the experience of finding a new and unexpected thing I love.

I have a tendency to ramble in my tasting notes. Sometimes it’s on topic. Much of the time it’s not. You have been warned.

As for me, I’m a semi-former trumpet player, current bass guitar learner, music store employee, program note writer, lyricist wannabe, casual makeup enthusiast, even more casual bicyclist, writing major in a past life, eternal designated driver, deadly punster, nerdy dork, incurable escapist, and lifelong introvert. Steepster is absolutely the most positive, kind, and intelligent online community I’ve ever found, and I love meeting fellow tea enthusiasts through here. I look forward to meeting you!

P.S. Any rare soul who recognizes the profile pic gets bonus points forever.

Location

One foot’s on the Holodeck. The other’s in Lancaster, Ohio.

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