70
drank Fujian Baroque by Adagio Teas
335 tasting notes

Sipdown.

Warning: emotional unpacking ahead. Oh, I’m gonna regret this in the morning.

I’m all over the place tonight and I don’t even know why. I realized that I seem to have three default emotions, depending on the situation and the time of day: carefree and happy, stressed (anywhere from mild to getting-into-my-dreams), and seething with anger (rarely over any real-world problem, usually over any part of a tangled knot of insecurities I’ve been dwelling on for years.) Tonight, I cycled through all three of them in really rapid succession. I’ve been trying to be positive lately, but my success with that seems to do more with my mood than anything. When I’m in a good mood, it’s very easy; when I’m not, I literally do not want to get rid of my negativity… somehow it makes me feel like I’m less weak, gullible, malleable, spineless, etc. if I’m human enough to be angry about something, and like I can be taken seriously (or something) if I have some amount of cynicism/rage/bitterness to carry around with me. Messed up, I know. But I’m afraid of conflict, and I never have the courage to confront the people who may be responsible for my being angry… and then the cycle continues. Also, I don’t feel like these feelings are really valid, since I haven’t had anything happen in my life to warrant this much angst – especially so far after middle school, when I’m supposed to be all grown up and adjusted and full-time job and apartment and engagement ring (and I’m living with my parents with no social life whatsoever.) I want to talk to somebody about it, but the only person who really qualifies for the job (my mom) has heard me blather about my stupid me-problems so many times she’s probably about sick of it.

The one thing I will say, though. Somehow the combination of bass practice and tea seems to help a LOT. Tonight, after one of my moody spells, I sat down and took a sip of this tea – and something about warm liquid with a flavor I don’t taste very often put my head in the right place. It wasn’t a matter of liking or disliking the tea (it’s still a little on the bitter side for my taste), it was a comfort thing and an experience thing.

Can I just stay up and drink tea for a while?

tea-sipper

I’m sorry it’s tough for you right now. Please note that some mothers are the most irrational/impossible people and you at least have a mom that will listen. :D

Terri HarpLady

(hmmmm….I posted a comment, & it’s not here…2nd try)
Music soothes the savage beast, Tea makes a good substitute. Together they work miracles!
(ok…dammit, that is NOT really what I said the first time through…but it was something like that)

yyz

For sure, tea can be good for what ails you. It is interesting in this day and age that we are both more and less connected with others and with the world around us. Our lifestyles often make it more difficult to make flesh and blood connection. Please remember that there are those here and among your friends and family who love and care for you as you are. I know many people who have or are going through similar periods to what you are going through right now, some who have no clue what they want get through it by experimentation and reaching out to the world. Others get through it by fully defining what they want and gunning for it. Everyone sometimes needs interspection and change, there’s no harm in it and sometimes it’s incredibly necessary.

Fjellrev

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time, but I’m glad that you have found at least some comfort in the fine things in life like tea and music.

Anna

Your feelings are always valid, because of what they are – your feelings. And I know it’s hard to shake off, but ‘supposed to’ really is the worst thing ever. Everybody’s experience is different.

KittyLovesTea

I’m sure many of us feel like this from time to time and by writing it on Steepster you are surrounded by like minded folk. So there is nothing to regret :) Everyone has left their words of wisdom and they have said things better than I could but I am usually always online so if you ever need anyone to talk to (even if it’s just someone to listen) then I’m here. I hope your dark clouds shift shortly, remember that from the bottom the only way is up.

TeaKlutz

Hi everyone, thank you for being so supportive. I really appreciate your comments, and it’s nice to know that there are people out there (whom I’ve never even seen face to face) who are as friendly and positive as you guys.

__Morgana__

I agree with what everyone here said, and I hope you’re feeling better. Though it’s not exactly what you’re talking about, coincidentally, last night I was flipping through channels and came upon the documentary “Happy” on PBS. I’m always intrigued by the idea of having more control over my own emotional well-being so I watched it. It’s a little on the simplistic side, but it does have some interesting information, and the mere act of watching it was uplifting to me. I’ve read about the way the brain adapts to certain stimulus and how it can change itself, but I didn’t know, for example, that there’s a practice of meditation on compassion that can make significant changes to brain structure and that results in a greater ability to feel joy. I’m personally going to try that one and see how it makes me feel as soon as I can figure out the best way to learn the practice.

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Comments

tea-sipper

I’m sorry it’s tough for you right now. Please note that some mothers are the most irrational/impossible people and you at least have a mom that will listen. :D

Terri HarpLady

(hmmmm….I posted a comment, & it’s not here…2nd try)
Music soothes the savage beast, Tea makes a good substitute. Together they work miracles!
(ok…dammit, that is NOT really what I said the first time through…but it was something like that)

yyz

For sure, tea can be good for what ails you. It is interesting in this day and age that we are both more and less connected with others and with the world around us. Our lifestyles often make it more difficult to make flesh and blood connection. Please remember that there are those here and among your friends and family who love and care for you as you are. I know many people who have or are going through similar periods to what you are going through right now, some who have no clue what they want get through it by experimentation and reaching out to the world. Others get through it by fully defining what they want and gunning for it. Everyone sometimes needs interspection and change, there’s no harm in it and sometimes it’s incredibly necessary.

Fjellrev

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time, but I’m glad that you have found at least some comfort in the fine things in life like tea and music.

Anna

Your feelings are always valid, because of what they are – your feelings. And I know it’s hard to shake off, but ‘supposed to’ really is the worst thing ever. Everybody’s experience is different.

KittyLovesTea

I’m sure many of us feel like this from time to time and by writing it on Steepster you are surrounded by like minded folk. So there is nothing to regret :) Everyone has left their words of wisdom and they have said things better than I could but I am usually always online so if you ever need anyone to talk to (even if it’s just someone to listen) then I’m here. I hope your dark clouds shift shortly, remember that from the bottom the only way is up.

TeaKlutz

Hi everyone, thank you for being so supportive. I really appreciate your comments, and it’s nice to know that there are people out there (whom I’ve never even seen face to face) who are as friendly and positive as you guys.

__Morgana__

I agree with what everyone here said, and I hope you’re feeling better. Though it’s not exactly what you’re talking about, coincidentally, last night I was flipping through channels and came upon the documentary “Happy” on PBS. I’m always intrigued by the idea of having more control over my own emotional well-being so I watched it. It’s a little on the simplistic side, but it does have some interesting information, and the mere act of watching it was uplifting to me. I’ve read about the way the brain adapts to certain stimulus and how it can change itself, but I didn’t know, for example, that there’s a practice of meditation on compassion that can make significant changes to brain structure and that results in a greater ability to feel joy. I’m personally going to try that one and see how it makes me feel as soon as I can figure out the best way to learn the practice.

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Profile

Bio

The name’s Holly. 27. Work for a small IT company. About to finish a Master’s degree this winter. ISFJ for what it’s worth. I play various instruments (mostly bass guitar right now), attempt to write songs that I’m too scared to play for anyone, and I’m currently taking voice lessons. I also enjoy starting various hobbies, wearing monochromes, writing, cooking, taking walks, and various and sundry other things…

I’ve been a tea drinker since spring of 2013. Tea is a source of happiness, positivity, curiosity, and relaxation (…and caffeine) for me.

I’ve been on and off this site over the years, and I even had a separate tea blog at one point. For now, I’m just working on getting back in the habit of enjoying tea regularly and to its fullest.

Love: Malty Chinese black teas, shu/ripe pu erhs, soft flowery teas (esp. jasmine teas)

Like: Japanese green teas, sheng/ripe pu erhs, white teas

Still trying to get into: Most oolongs, chai teas

Not crazy about: Roasty teas, fruity teas, rooibos, many (not all) herbal teas

Ratings:
90-100: YEAH!
80-89: Nice! This is good stuff.
70-79: Respectable tea.
60-69: Not bad.
50-59: Middling. Not really worth it.
25-49: Eeeeeugh. Not good.
0-24: Did you know you can use tea leaves as odor absorbent?

Location

Ohio

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