I messed this up.
I will postpone rating this tea until I sprout a brain….
…it might be a while.
For your entertainment, here is my 34 step process of how to destroy this tea:
1. Get up ridiculously early
2. Stumble into the kitchen – eyes barely open, drunk with sleep
3. Overfill kettle and put to boil, spilling water everywhere in the process
4. Try reading the instructions, but because you’re so tired the words don’t make sense and may as well be hieroglyphics. Instead, stare at package and eventually exclaim “oooh pwitty!”
5. Proceed by guess
6. Tear open the bag and enjoy the aroma….mmmm…pancakes. Try not to eat it (I’ll let you guess what I did)
7. Enjoy the aroma for so long that your brain wakes up enough to realize that you have to pee…like right now!
8. Ignore brain – cross legs instead
9. Scoop overly generous teaspoonfuls of tea into your teapot
10. Spill a little extra in for good measure
11. Realize that wasn’t a teaspoon, it was a tablespoon
12. Shrug and carry on
13. Wait for water to boil
14. Realize that you can go pee while you wait
15. Walk into the wall on your way to the bathroom
16. Walk into the wall on your way back from the bathroom
17. Slip on some water on the kitchen floor and curse whoever spilled it without cleaning it up
18. Realize you’re the one who spilled it. Clean it up.
19. Forget that you already put tea into the teapot
20. Put in another spoonful without looking
21. Realize that there was already tea in there, and AGAIN that is not a friggin teaspoon! It’s a tablespoon!
22. Shrug
23. Now that the water is boiled start pouring it over the tea
24. Catch the edge of the strainer at the perfect angle so that it shoots everywhere, including on you. Mutter obscenities because it burns, but don’t stop pouring – that’s far too logical
25. Leave it to brew while you go to brush your teeth
26. Walk into the wall again on your way to the bathroom
27. Forget tea brewing and proceed to brush teeth, have shower, and start to get dressed
28. Realize the tea is brewing, wrap a towel around you and rush to the kitchen
29. On your way there, say to the wall “haha! Missed me this time” because you didn’t walk into it
30. While you are trash talking at the wall, walk into the cupboard door which you apparently left open earlier – mutter obscenities of your choice
31. Slip on the water that had shot everywhere in step 24 – drop towel that you are wearing
31. Cover up. Start cleaning up the water.
32. Realize the tea is still brewing
33. Pour tea which is now so black it could be mistaken for tar
34. Burn tongue on hot tea
TAA-DAA!!!
