Had this at the movies on… You know I what, I don’t remember what the date was. Oh well.
I had a relatively spontaneous date with a guy who, thankfully, doesn’t appear to be an absolute creep this time. He very sweetly picked me up from work, and then we grabbed some food and saw a show.
Side Thought: Dear lord; going from work attire/make up to date clothing/make up in the tiny staff bathroom in under five minutes should be an Olympic Sport. Someone start a petition to make than an Olympic sport!
Overall I had a really good time; he’s a totally nerdy person which is cool ‘cause I’m a totally nerdy person too. We had a, somewhat one sided, conversation of Spiderman comicbook arcs (I went off about how I love the Stacy Twins arc but how IMO it’s never going to make it into a movie), and talked about TV shows we both watch among other things. For supper, we went and had Asian food and he was so cool about me being a total slob with my noodles because I can’t gracefully eat noodles to save my life. I kinda got Teriyaki sauce everywhere.
The movie was Mockingjay. Honestly, the were other things I definitely wanted to see more; but I don’t think he was as interested in seeing Annie or Into The Woods and I would have wanted to see Mockingjay eventually anyway; I just would have been cool with waiting to watch it at home though. It was good though; and for DAYS AFTERWARDS I couldn’t get the damn “Hanging Tree” song out of my head.
Driving home was a challenge; I don’t drive, and I’m terrible at directions (especially because I still don’t know the city super well) so I got us really lost and we had to take several detours. But eventually we made it back to my place. And this, Steepster, is where I sort of start to overshare?
There was a goodnight kiss; which I was pretty into at this point. But, I was anticipating more of a short, brief kiss right? ‘Cause that’s been my experience with basically all first date kisses. But instead he went in to kiss me and there was this sort of… “Oh!” moment where he like slipped his tongue in my mouth that I wasn’t expecting at all. And it was really awkward, and long…
Like, it was the worst kiss I’ve ever had. I think “ate my face” feels like an apt description. So I’m very conflicted because I was having a very nice night and happy about the date and all, but the real lack of chemistry there has me a little upset. I could go into a long winded spiel on sexuality and how I’ve always struggled finding an apt way of describing mine, but I’ll try and sum as saying recently I’ve been self defining as asexual or grey-asexual; the sexuality part of relationships has never come naturally to me at all, not that I’m opposed to “sex stuff”; I’ve just always had a fair disinterest or relatively low sex drive (hoping I’m describing this in a way that isn’t horribly ignorant).
So all that considered (that I usually don’t “get much” from the goodnight kiss), it was especially bad. I’ve been relatively lucky that in the past people I’ve date have primarily taken things at the same pace as I’ve wanted to take them. And it’s not that I think this guy isn’t going to be accepting of that; I just don’t think that desire was effectively communicated. It’s not like I blurted out the whole “Asexual!” thing immediately because, at this point, it’s not a conversation I feel like we need to have. I mean, it’s the first date…
But, I am seeing him again. We have a tea date planned for Saturday and I guess, depending on how much tongue is shoved down my throat at the end of the night, it’s a conversation that I might have to get around to having.
So yeah; that’s my somewhat weird and all over the place date tasting note that has some serious over sharing in it. Yeah…
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Ack, sorry your date ended awkward.
I’m really comfortable with communicating sexual preferences and what I like when it comes to everything but kissing. There’s something about the way people kiss that feels so personal and individual, that I find it difficult to communicate redirecting a bad kiss.
I do tend to feel a little wary of people who don’t pay attention to your enthusiasm and how you’re responding, and dive in too fast or are too pushy.
And asexual or grey-ace sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to identify based on how you describe your sexuality.
Hope your next date goes better and that he’s a little more aware of your pacing.
The part that’s maybe getting to me a little more than it should is that I don’t know if “truly” he’s a ‘bad kisser’ or it’s me just not being as into that sort of kissing; by “normal” standards (I hate using the word normal because it implies my sexual preferences aren’t normal, but alas…) or the standards of people with average sex drives perhaps he was a really good kisser?
That’s where communicating becomes weird for me. ‘Cause it’s one thing to say “You’re a bad kisser, but here’s what you can do better” – but that’s not exactly the case…
Well, I think kissing is a really subjective experience (like anything else.) No one is objectively a good or a bad kisser, it’s about compatibility. So I would think of it more like, “He doesn’t kiss me the way I want to be kissed,” more than, “He’s a bad kisser.” You can also frame it this way when you talk to him too – “I like to be kissed like ____.” rather than, “Kissing – ur doin it rong!”
That said, I’ve kissed face eaters before, and I never enjoy it. It never feels reciprocal and balanced, and it always feels like they’re not paying attention to my reaction (if I keep pulling back, and you keep thrusting your mouth further onto my face, you’re really not paying attention to my non-verbal cues.) All red flags for me.
Anlina, that’s excellent advice. Roswell, I wish you the best on your next date. :)
Ack, sorry your date ended awkward.
I’m really comfortable with communicating sexual preferences and what I like when it comes to everything but kissing. There’s something about the way people kiss that feels so personal and individual, that I find it difficult to communicate redirecting a bad kiss.
I do tend to feel a little wary of people who don’t pay attention to your enthusiasm and how you’re responding, and dive in too fast or are too pushy.
And asexual or grey-ace sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to identify based on how you describe your sexuality.
Hope your next date goes better and that he’s a little more aware of your pacing.
The part that’s maybe getting to me a little more than it should is that I don’t know if “truly” he’s a ‘bad kisser’ or it’s me just not being as into that sort of kissing; by “normal” standards (I hate using the word normal because it implies my sexual preferences aren’t normal, but alas…) or the standards of people with average sex drives perhaps he was a really good kisser?
That’s where communicating becomes weird for me. ‘Cause it’s one thing to say “You’re a bad kisser, but here’s what you can do better” – but that’s not exactly the case…
Well, I think kissing is a really subjective experience (like anything else.) No one is objectively a good or a bad kisser, it’s about compatibility. So I would think of it more like, “He doesn’t kiss me the way I want to be kissed,” more than, “He’s a bad kisser.” You can also frame it this way when you talk to him too – “I like to be kissed like ____.” rather than, “Kissing – ur doin it rong!”
That said, I’ve kissed face eaters before, and I never enjoy it. It never feels reciprocal and balanced, and it always feels like they’re not paying attention to my reaction (if I keep pulling back, and you keep thrusting your mouth further onto my face, you’re really not paying attention to my non-verbal cues.) All red flags for me.
Anlina, that’s excellent advice. Roswell, I wish you the best on your next date. :)