The first time I gave this tea a review, I gave it a 95, because I’m like that fussy teacher that doesn’t give out A+ ratings ON PRINCIPLE. Surely there’s SOMETHING wrong with this tea, I reasoned.
There is nothing wrong with this tea. This is the tea I have been waiting for. This is my tea.
This tea is like if the Bearenstain Bears were real, and adopted you, and gave you warm hugs and words of homey wisdom. You could hang out with Mama Bear and Papa Bear and Sister Bear and Brother Bear every day as their cherished Human Bear.
This tea is my Grail.
I am going to be depressed when they inevitably discontinue it without warning.
I would apologise for the quality of this review (I am slowly wilting from exhaustion today), but actually, it’s about on par with the reviews I usually write. I am either a trailblazer of tea review imagery and humor — or a complete idiot.
No comments unless they’re compliments, y’all.