Rosehips Send Message

I did not have a good night. Rehersal ran late, and I staggered home much later than I wanted. When I got home, and email from my ex was waiting for me, which further ruined the night.
I feel bad. It wasn’t a “bad” breakup. Nothing specifically happened to break us up or anything, but we had to separate and its really steeped me in a profound sadness, that I am working on recovering from.
He wants to be friends now, saying he misses talking to me, and hoping that I can start with a small conversation with him. In theory that sounds like a good thing- this was someone who was so important for such a long period of my life. I should want a future where we can be friends.
But I am not ready for that future now. Even that email shook me up so much that I could hardly rest.
The dreadful thing is that I don’t want to cause him pain, and my refusal to talk is surely causing him pain, but I need to look out for my own emotional well being.
If there is even the hope of being friends in the future then I need to give myself the time to mourn, and space away from constant or forceful reminders of what might have been. I need to keep building a life away from the life I’d hoped I’d have.
This is all very heavy and dramatic. I am sorry. It helps sometimes just to say it out to you all, you know? Because you understand (as many do not), how important tea is for all of lifes occatios. I clung to my mug of this today like a child clings to its security blanket. Tea is stablility. Tea is peace and joy and comfort and caffine, on a day when I need all of those things.