“The seas were angry that day, my friends. The tiny ship was tossed, to and fro, until it came to rest upon an uncharted desert isle. And on that desert isle, we drank this tea. Because the rum. Was. Gone.

I’ve been meaning to purchase my dear Plunder and Grog for a long time, and I’m thrilled that I finally did. This tea very much reminds me of my still-current favorite, Zeppelinmobile, except it adds cocoa and spice, and insodoing takes the Zeppelinmobile flavor profile to the third power. (In fact, I could have called it, “Zeppelinmobile Puts Out to Sea with Air Pirates.”)

Yes, yes, I created this blend too, which offers up a veritable buffet of personal-taste rhetoric, but it also fits into its piratical name like a glove. (Pirate gloves: for the buccaneer who wants ter’ keep the blisters off his lootin’ paws!) For the swash-curious, my thinking process for blendin’ the gloves off of Plunder and Grog went as follows:

1) What do pirates need to eat? Citrus, if they want to stave off scurvy. Cue the blood orange tea, which is tart-yet-mellow here, and smells divine.

2) What curses do pirates undergo? Aztec ones, since Aztec ghosts are kind of incensed about, oh, you know, their descendants being enslaved by the Spanish for a few measly centuries. Cue the chocolate chip tea, which serves up a splash of cocoa in the background of this blend.

3) Where do pirates travel? To exotic places that have exotic spices, exotically. Cue the chocolate chai tea, which lends another deliciously-smelling, spice road-meets-cocoa kick to this tea.

Drink up, me hearties, and on ter’ the haikus:

Cocoa-orange a day
will keep the doctor away
if apples don’t work.

This tea’s a treasure!
Now I’m off to braid things in
my hair. Pass the koal.

And here’s one to grow on, since I haven’t been able to tealog it up on a regular basis, and because, well, I can’t seem to shake the pirate theme today:

Puffy shirts and grog,
jumping from high places, then
laughing: piracy.

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Ingredients: Deep thoughts, humorous beguilements, cinema and literature and the theater, education and enlightenment and wishful thinking, the dessert course, teacups rife with tea, kittens, pirates, and the letter Q.

Combine all ingredients, adding true love and sweetener to taste. Let marinate. Serve as necessary.

Yield: 1.

Opposite Universe Yield: 2. (Follow recipe as written, then follow recipe backward, separating antonyms of all ingredients. Make sure to protect mind from becoming blown.)

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