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So my mom’s ex boyfriend has been living in our basement for months now. I believe I mentioned him before but in case I haven’t, he is this kinda super annoying guy who is really taking advantage of my mom and her kindness. They made a deal where he would get a room in our basement and in exchange he would paint a room in our house for each month he is down there. It has been 4 months now and he only just started painting and that was after my mom and him had a little tiff over who would actually pay for the paint. The thing is, their deal was a room for a room but he is using our utilities, on our internet, on MY netflix account and eating our food. My mom will include him for dinner but he comes up in the middle of the night and just eats whatever he wants. He’ll even go grocery shopping with my mom, adding what he likes to the cart and never once offering to pay for anything. He’ll go get himself food sometimes but never think to offer to bring any back for even just my mom. I find this to be incredibly frustrating.

I have also had my own issues with him. Besides the fact that he is quite ignorant and has a very gendered/misogynistic view of the world, he is also a very touchy person. I, on the other hand, am an agoraphobe who does not like being touched. I went two months of him petting me on the back to say good morning until I finally snapped and told him he couldn’t touch me anymore. Then when he told me I could never have a bf if I didn’t like being touched and thought it was funny to continue to poke me, I very nicely told him that since I clearly revoked any consent for him to put hands on me, his continuing to do so was technically assault. That got him to stop but still it is incredibly frustrating for me. Add to that, that as an introvert I sometimes don’t even like being surrounded by my own family and now here is this loud and obnoxious man who is ALWAYS around (because he also has no job)!

Anyways, the reason for today’s rant was spurred by a dirty teamug. Because I drink tea, he has decided he wants to drink tea too. So he is using my teamugs and my kettle and that should be completely fine except for some reason it feels invasive. He isn’t even really drinking tea either. He takes a tetley teabag, puts it in the mug, puts whatever temperature water I boiled the kettle to over the teabag, stirs it and removes the teabag after 1 minute. Then dumps 1/2 a cup of honey or sugar on top. He is so proud and keeps saying “I never drank tea unless I was sick but now because of you I always drink it. I even drink less pop because I am drinking more tea”. He is also a slob who will only use mugs he can put in the dishwasher and never rinses them out. And he like my mugs so he uses them even for coffee. So today when I grabbed one of my teamugs, I dumped the filter in without looking and brewed up this tea. It wasn’t until I took my first sip that I noticed the coffee scum ring on the inside. This got dumped because of it and now I am just a little more irritated than usual with his presence.

VariaTEA

Wow, sorry for the rant.

Fjellrev

Oh god, that is a mind-numbingly terrible situation to be in, VariaTEA, and don’t ever apologize. I wish your mom would see how he is taking advantage of your family and just get rid of him already since he clearly is of no benefit to the household. Have you recently talked to your mom and tried to reason with her? This can’t go on forever and it would be unfair to expect everyone to just tolerate it because none of you deserve it.

Roswell Strange

Don’t apologize for the rant; though sounds incredibly infuriating. A rant is more than justified, I’d say.

VariaTEA

My mom is as annoyed by him as everyone else and constantly complains but she will not outright say anything. She is someone who wants people to do things and gets mad when they don’t but also won’t come out and say it. For instance, the guy has something wrong with his back and was using our painkillers everyday. So the next time my mom and him were at the store, they went by the medicines and she pointed out to him that the painkillers were 20% off. She bought some and said they were for my stepdad and then got mad and complained to me and my sister that the guy didn’t buy any for himself despite using them daily. I told her she should have told him to buy them and not just hint that she should. And to make things worse she left the painkillers supposedly bought for my stepdad in the kitchen so the guy helped himself which angered my mom more. I tried explaining that by making them so accessible, as opposed to storing them in our bathroom closet upstairs with the rest of the meds, she was basically offering it and if its in someone’s nature to take things, they aren’t going to willingly buy something they are getting for free elsewhere.

Evol Ving Ness

Oy! What a pain!

Please tell him that if he uses your things, he needs to return them in the same way he found them. Specifically, he needs to carefully wash the inside of the cups or mugs of any residue before putting them in the dishwasher.

That’s the short version. Because really, it is all too much.

In summary, the house guest needs to go. He is not abiding by the terms of the deal and he is taking advantage. I could see if he were making an effort, but he doesn’t appear to be.

Time for an ultimatum. And/or an eviction notice.

Evol Ving Ness

Also, clearly, there is absolutely no need to apologize for the rant.

Fjellrev

Yeah, he sounds like a person that will continue to take advantage as long as he continues getting away with it. Clearly, he needs to be directly told that he should buy his own painkillers (and to top that off, not be accessible to him), for instance, because people like that can easily claim ignorance to subtle hinting about getting his own. He should be damn grateful that your family is putting a roof over his head and any decent person in that situation would be more than happy to help out in any way that he can rather than take advantage as much as he can. He’ll keep pushing a little here, a little there, to see how much he can get away with. Firm boundaries need to be drawn with these kinds of people, without a doubt.

Tamarindel

This is horrific, your mom absolutely needs to throw him out, call the cops if necessary. And even all his bullshit aside, there’s no way it’s good for your mom emotionally to have an ex hanging around.

Evol Ving Ness

As comments indicate, tea people are smart.

Lindsay

Ugh. I hope your mom kicks him out. If not, I hope she learns to set clear expectations and boundaries. He’s basically like a kid in need of a parent. So either she agrees to parent him, with house rules that actually get enforced (1. Buy your own stuff. 2. If you use other people’s stuff, replace it promptly. 3. Contribute $x per month toward the household’s shared costs. 4. No non-consensual physical contact (asshole). 5. If 30 days goes buy and you haven’t painted a room as agreed to, you’re out.) or she tells him to get the fuck out and find some other woman to take advantage of. W.T.F.

VariaTEA

MY MOTHER HAS KICKED HIM OUT! He took a week to paint a tiny bathroom and did a terrible job so my mom told him that their original deal clearly wasn’t working out, especially after he admitted to stalling when it came to the painting because he didn’t want to buy the paint for the next room. Consequently, my mom asked for $700/month for room and board (since he was eating our food anyways) instead. Given how close we are to Toronto, public transit, highways, etc. that figure was on the low side and yet he still got mad at her and told her he had no money and she said she was helping him out and doing him a favor by letting him live here in exchange for painting. My mom tried explaining she was helping him out and that HE was the one not living up to that deal and that is why they she thinks rent would be better. He complained he had no money and this and that and finally my stepdad told him “well you are getting a $3500 tax return which is found money so you have more than enough to give us the $2800 you owe” and that is when he left. So I guess they didn’t technically kick him out but he’s gone nonetheless and my kettle is all mine again.

Fun side note. For some reason, at some point, he actually partially primed our bathroom in our basement. The bathroom was already finished and we had no intention of painting it AGAIN but now our basement looks unfinished because we have a partially primed room. Not a big deal in the overall scheme of things but still more money that we need to put out to now refinish our bathroom since the whole reason we were painting in the first place is because my mom plans to sell our house in the not-so-distant future.

Fjellrev

That is the best news I have heard so far this week! I am so incredibly relieved for your family, and proud of your mom and stepdad for putting that ungrateful loser in his place.

Tamarindel

Hooray, so happy to hear it!

Evol Ving Ness

Excellent news. Well done.

Roswell Strange

So happy for you and your family!

VariaTEA

Thanks everyone. My mom is both pissed off and hurt that he would do this but he is gone and that’s the important part :)

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VariaTEA

Wow, sorry for the rant.

Fjellrev

Oh god, that is a mind-numbingly terrible situation to be in, VariaTEA, and don’t ever apologize. I wish your mom would see how he is taking advantage of your family and just get rid of him already since he clearly is of no benefit to the household. Have you recently talked to your mom and tried to reason with her? This can’t go on forever and it would be unfair to expect everyone to just tolerate it because none of you deserve it.

Roswell Strange

Don’t apologize for the rant; though sounds incredibly infuriating. A rant is more than justified, I’d say.

VariaTEA

My mom is as annoyed by him as everyone else and constantly complains but she will not outright say anything. She is someone who wants people to do things and gets mad when they don’t but also won’t come out and say it. For instance, the guy has something wrong with his back and was using our painkillers everyday. So the next time my mom and him were at the store, they went by the medicines and she pointed out to him that the painkillers were 20% off. She bought some and said they were for my stepdad and then got mad and complained to me and my sister that the guy didn’t buy any for himself despite using them daily. I told her she should have told him to buy them and not just hint that she should. And to make things worse she left the painkillers supposedly bought for my stepdad in the kitchen so the guy helped himself which angered my mom more. I tried explaining that by making them so accessible, as opposed to storing them in our bathroom closet upstairs with the rest of the meds, she was basically offering it and if its in someone’s nature to take things, they aren’t going to willingly buy something they are getting for free elsewhere.

Evol Ving Ness

Oy! What a pain!

Please tell him that if he uses your things, he needs to return them in the same way he found them. Specifically, he needs to carefully wash the inside of the cups or mugs of any residue before putting them in the dishwasher.

That’s the short version. Because really, it is all too much.

In summary, the house guest needs to go. He is not abiding by the terms of the deal and he is taking advantage. I could see if he were making an effort, but he doesn’t appear to be.

Time for an ultimatum. And/or an eviction notice.

Evol Ving Ness

Also, clearly, there is absolutely no need to apologize for the rant.

Fjellrev

Yeah, he sounds like a person that will continue to take advantage as long as he continues getting away with it. Clearly, he needs to be directly told that he should buy his own painkillers (and to top that off, not be accessible to him), for instance, because people like that can easily claim ignorance to subtle hinting about getting his own. He should be damn grateful that your family is putting a roof over his head and any decent person in that situation would be more than happy to help out in any way that he can rather than take advantage as much as he can. He’ll keep pushing a little here, a little there, to see how much he can get away with. Firm boundaries need to be drawn with these kinds of people, without a doubt.

Tamarindel

This is horrific, your mom absolutely needs to throw him out, call the cops if necessary. And even all his bullshit aside, there’s no way it’s good for your mom emotionally to have an ex hanging around.

Evol Ving Ness

As comments indicate, tea people are smart.

Lindsay

Ugh. I hope your mom kicks him out. If not, I hope she learns to set clear expectations and boundaries. He’s basically like a kid in need of a parent. So either she agrees to parent him, with house rules that actually get enforced (1. Buy your own stuff. 2. If you use other people’s stuff, replace it promptly. 3. Contribute $x per month toward the household’s shared costs. 4. No non-consensual physical contact (asshole). 5. If 30 days goes buy and you haven’t painted a room as agreed to, you’re out.) or she tells him to get the fuck out and find some other woman to take advantage of. W.T.F.

VariaTEA

MY MOTHER HAS KICKED HIM OUT! He took a week to paint a tiny bathroom and did a terrible job so my mom told him that their original deal clearly wasn’t working out, especially after he admitted to stalling when it came to the painting because he didn’t want to buy the paint for the next room. Consequently, my mom asked for $700/month for room and board (since he was eating our food anyways) instead. Given how close we are to Toronto, public transit, highways, etc. that figure was on the low side and yet he still got mad at her and told her he had no money and she said she was helping him out and doing him a favor by letting him live here in exchange for painting. My mom tried explaining she was helping him out and that HE was the one not living up to that deal and that is why they she thinks rent would be better. He complained he had no money and this and that and finally my stepdad told him “well you are getting a $3500 tax return which is found money so you have more than enough to give us the $2800 you owe” and that is when he left. So I guess they didn’t technically kick him out but he’s gone nonetheless and my kettle is all mine again.

Fun side note. For some reason, at some point, he actually partially primed our bathroom in our basement. The bathroom was already finished and we had no intention of painting it AGAIN but now our basement looks unfinished because we have a partially primed room. Not a big deal in the overall scheme of things but still more money that we need to put out to now refinish our bathroom since the whole reason we were painting in the first place is because my mom plans to sell our house in the not-so-distant future.

Fjellrev

That is the best news I have heard so far this week! I am so incredibly relieved for your family, and proud of your mom and stepdad for putting that ungrateful loser in his place.

Tamarindel

Hooray, so happy to hear it!

Evol Ving Ness

Excellent news. Well done.

Roswell Strange

So happy for you and your family!

VariaTEA

Thanks everyone. My mom is both pissed off and hurt that he would do this but he is gone and that’s the important part :)

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My cupboard has grown exponentially since joining this site and I have a lot to share. Feel free to snoop through my cupboard and message me if anything interests you – I am always happy to swap!

For me, flavored teas are definitely my sweet spot. I will most often reach for black teas and rooibos or honeybush blends but I do keep some flavored whites and greens around for when the mood strikes. I have a few herbals/tisanes but most of the time I find myself disappointed by them as they often smell deliciously sweet and then end up tasting tart/sour. I have a little bit of an aversion to pu’erh and oolong teas. I am also wary of florals, earl greys, and chai teas. I do not like overpowering citrus flavors nor do I usually like hibiscus, licorice or chamomile. I love dessert teas – caramel, vanilla, toffee, cookie, cream, and other sweet flavors make me smile. Fruits like strawberry, peach, mango, and pineapples will often catch my attention as well.

I have also realized that although I really enjoy adding frothed milk to some of my teas, if I do not like the tea with zero additives (just in plain water without milk or sugar), I probably won’t drink it. The one exception is flavored matchas which I will happily drink in cold milk if I do not like it mixed with hot water. My theory is if the tea can’t stand on its own then it is not for me and I will more than likely try to swap it out for something else.

Tea Ratings Guide (as of December 10, 2017)
90-100 Teas I NEED on hand at all times
80-89 Teas I want to keep around for a cup every now and then
70-79 Teas I am glad I have around and can experiment with but probably don’t need more than what’s in my cupboard
60-69 Teas I would not turn down a cup of from a friend but that would probably be enough
50-59 Teas I can see why someone would enjoy but are not for me
Under 50 Teas I really did not like and most likely got dumped

Location

Thornhill, Ontario

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