Sometimes, when aliens are trying to build a hyperspace expressway, or your inevitable incarceration is looming, or the army besieging your castle has been there so long you’ve eaten all the food stores, dogs, cats, rats, and perhaps subjects named “Pat” that were available, the only remaining retort to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that have beset you is to gluttonously indulge in such hyperbolic excess that your successors will declare, “He was a right bastard, but he sure went out with a bang!”
But let us further suppose that, due to long and steady decline of your fortune, you need to find a way to do this in a far more fiscally responsible manner than you would prefer. This is where this tea comes in. I put so many leaves in my pot that deities looked down from on high and wondered who’d beset the land with a plague of tea. But it was glorious, I tell you, glorious.
Early steeps took a while to get going, but soon there were notes of canthol* and memphor*, and long lasting aftertastes. Soon, however, having completely overloaded all available receptors, I could only note the excellent scent of mauve coming from the mass of wet leaves and note that I tasted a hint of a month from next Thursday.
And all this at a low price! If you eschew sipping, scoff at quaffing, and consider chugging to be an unnecessarily effete manner of intake, I humbly suggest this tea might be for you.
Bring on your trials and tribulations, I’m caffeineted enough for anything.
- I realized I have no idea what differentiates camphor from menthol, really, so this might have been either, or neither, or both.