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Teavana disappoints again!

So I went to Teavana for the first time in a long while to buy a gift for my girlfriend’s mother. I got her an infusing mug, some flavored oolong, and some dragonwell, and for my girlfriend, I picked up some Jasmine Pearls – two ounces of each.
The first reminder that I should never shop at Teavana was when the chick behind the counter suggested that if I pick up one more tea, I’d be at half a pound – and at that point, if I DOUBLED my order, I could get 10% off my purchase. She was trying to turn my 6 ounces of thoughtfulness into a 16oz monster, made up by a majority of impulsive, poor self-control. Of course I declined this. And the reusable tins. And the $5 drink to go.

On a brighter note, my girlfriend’s mom fell in love with the cup at first sight, and enjoyed the teas. But this review isn’t about those teas (which, mind you, I didn’t try.)
This is about the jasmine pearls.
I don’t go to Teavana with delusions of grandeur and wide-eyed amazement that I did some years ago when I started my explorations into tea, but I do carry with me an expectation of at least substantial mediocrity. When you keep your expectations low, you tend to avoid disappointment – but as this prestigious establishment has been so gracious to remind me, there’s always an exception to the rule.

The first thing I noticed when my girlfriend and I poured some water into our mug was that the tea was without a question NOT processed according to tradition. The pearls SHOULD be crafted from the bud and tender, top two leaves, rolled into a tight ball that unfurls into a graceful, slender figure that dances with its brethren in your cup once awakened by warm water. It was supposed to be a very special treat for my loved one.
What I got was a cup crowded with large, clumsy leaves that impatiently expanded. So much for aesthetics.
I would love to comment on the taste as well, but there wasn’t one. What we ended up with, essentially, was a cup of warm, greenish water, made inconvenient to drink by some useless leaves swirling around in it.
Sure, it smelled nice, because it was infused with Jasmine. But you can spray a floral aerosol in the bathroom after you take a dump, and that bathroom will smell like Jasmine too.
By no accident, that is the metaphor I’ll leave this review on – this tea was a piece of crap covered up by a flowery fragrance.

Angrboda

Oh hello! Long time since we’ve seen you around. :D

JMKauftheil

Yeah, it’s been a while!
I’m not quite the tea enthusiast I once was…
Working on getting back into it, but the last two posts were mostly the product of an urge to express myself through literature, and the human need to procrastinate at work. :P

Angrboda

Those are good enough for me. :) I hope you’ll find something rather more pleasant to drink soon though.

JMKauftheil

I need to get myself to a good tea shop. My entire collection is probably expired, so I pretty much need to start over from scratch. I have all my old teaware, at least, hanging around like relics from a bygone era. If I can get back into my swing, I’m sure I can find myself again amongst the unfurling leaves.

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Angrboda

Oh hello! Long time since we’ve seen you around. :D

JMKauftheil

Yeah, it’s been a while!
I’m not quite the tea enthusiast I once was…
Working on getting back into it, but the last two posts were mostly the product of an urge to express myself through literature, and the human need to procrastinate at work. :P

Angrboda

Those are good enough for me. :) I hope you’ll find something rather more pleasant to drink soon though.

JMKauftheil

I need to get myself to a good tea shop. My entire collection is probably expired, so I pretty much need to start over from scratch. I have all my old teaware, at least, hanging around like relics from a bygone era. If I can get back into my swing, I’m sure I can find myself again amongst the unfurling leaves.

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Poet, Prosaist, Teaist, amateur literary critic, uhhh…. Sadomasochist?

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Northridge, California; the city of suck

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